Helping a Friend in an Abusive Relationship

If you have a friend in an abusive relationship, the only way she will be safe is by breaking off the relationship. However, she will not be able to follow through on this unless she receives support from her friends and family. As her friend, you can help her during this difficult time.

It may take several attempts before she is able to breakup permanently. Staying in her life and encouraging her not to isolate herself from friends and family are important parts of the help and support you can offer:

Let her know that she didn’t deserve to be treated badly. Whatever abuse has happened to her is wrong, serious and not her fault. If you ignore what’s happening to her or make light of the abuse, it might appear that her peer group sees his behavior as not so bad and acceptable.

Help your friend understand that there was not something bad about her that caused the violence and that she cannot make another person abusive. The abusive behavior is his choice and his responsibility, not hers. She will also need help to see that she can’t change him and make it better. Again, that is his responsibility, not hers.

Don’t blame her for staying. She might not be strong enough to leave at first and might be afraid to do so. Just let her know that it will not get better and that the longer she stays, the worse it will get. Let her know she can always talk to you about it even if she stays. As her friend, she is more at risk if her friends give up on her.

Don’t stop inviting her and include her when making plans. Invite her, but don’t make her feel bad about herself for not being able to go. By continuing to invite her, you might help her recognize how much the abusive relationship is limiting her.

Help your friend learn ways to protect herself and plan for her safety. Obtain a list of places that work with abused women and keep it available for when she needs it.

Learn about whom in your school helps students with problems of violence. If possible, support her by accompanying her to get help.